Leaving again

The currents of my life are taking me back to Melbourne as I knew they would.  The tide that brought me here had to ebb and recede.

The ocean is not a static pool.  Its currents flow far and wide and the tide will turn again.

Soon.

The question is, when the tide turns, will I fight it and try to stay afloat exactly where I am or surrender and let it take me to where it wants me to be?

For now, I carry back with me all that I experienced and re-experienced here;

Peace.  Love.  Wonder.

The fire of creativity and adventure.

Excitement.

A longing to surrender.

An overwhelming urge to de-clutter and simplify my life.

And gratitude, so much gratitude for this island and the sea that has once again reminded me who of who I really am and that changes me with one breath and one embrace, every time I’m here.

Flying from Kuala Lumpur to Bal

Sunrise in Komodo National Park

The ride

Wind

rushes my face.

Its warm fingers

twist and tangle

my streaming hair,

powders my skin, bronze

with a delicate dust,

and carries scents unseen;

cut grass drying,

the woody musk of chag nampa,

sweet frangipani,

the freshness of bypassing rain

and the salt of a calm sea.

At night it strokes

my uncovered eyes

provoking

tears that cleanse,

and pool pure joy.

As I move

from where I’ve been

to where I am going

there is no barrier,

no separation,

no protective lens

through which to see this world.

The white moths flutter around me.

Hidden birds sing directly to my ear.

The clouds expand and drift above me.

The jungle sways beside me.

The sea rushes in before me.

The chores of human life continue

as I leave them behind.

I know in some ways

this is reckless.

There are safer ways

to move throughout this life

but I won’t spend my days

wrapped in cotton wool,

afraid of dying.

Death will come anyway, one day,

and when it does,

I want to stand tall and proud and say;

I made friends with fear and left him behind.

I loved every moment of this world

even when my heart was breaking.

That I dared to truly live.

Me jumping off Black Manta...I'm scared off heights but I did it anyway.  Photo courtesy of David Mancini.

Neutral Buoyancy

Release the air

that holds you on the surface of your life.

Exhale the breath

you hold tight and shallow in your lungs.

Sink below

the shimmering surface.

Let her swallow you whole,

wrap her deep blue silkiness

around your tired earth body.

Fall down, down, down,

until you are in the garden of wonder.

Buoy yourself with air

from the tank strapped on your back.

Inhale slow, calm, deep,

feel your lungs expand,

your body rise.

Exhale,

feel your lungs contract

and your body sink down.

Here, is the perfect point of balance.

You are no longer heavy

or anchored

or bound by duty.

Here, in this endless plane of blue,

you are weightless.

You are in your body

but you are not your body.

The sea carries for you

your endless burden

leaving you to be all that you really are,

the essence into which you breathe.

Down here, neutral buoyancy sets you free

and you know your true self,

this radiant but invisible light,

that you so often hide.

Honor each breath

that supports your life

and sustains this embrace.

Move without moving.

Just rise and fall as you breathe.

Hover static,

or fly with the currents

as graceful as the Rays that live here.

It doesn't matter what you do.

You are always supported and free to choose.

Long have I searched

for this balance in my terrestrial life;

the slot in which I fit and feel free.

Searching, as if for a new land

to discover and claim as my home.

When your air runs low and you slowly rise

up, up, up,

until you break the surface

and climb out of her embrace

to reclaim the constant thoughts of your human life,

know that you carry within you,

that which you seek,

and that you can find it, anytime,

with just a single breath.

Komodo – Into the eyes of dragons and mantas

“Instructions for living a life.

Pay attention.

Be astonished.

Tell about it.”

- Mary Oliver

It’s 11.20pm. The rain has been falling steadily for the last twenty minutes; monsoon season is arriving. I am sitting inside on the wicker lounge beneath the ceiling fan in a short-sleeved, knee-length dress.  The teak slatted doors are wide open to let the outside in.  The wire door is closed to keep the mosquitos out.  I am listening to the rain splatter the ground in direct hits and waterfall down the chain attached to the gutter in place of a pipe flooding the ground below. The crickets are chirping once more as the rainfall slows and softens. The shadowed sky flashes like a slow lighthouse with an ad hoc rhythm of its own. A somber bellow of thunder rolls by. A gecko calls out its own name for the neighbourhood to hear.

I have spent the evening alone, by choice, turning down a party so I can have my first period of extended solitude in almost two weeks. I have used the time to transfer and sort through my photos and video from Komodo, reflecting, wondering what I could write that could possibly convey the sacredness of my experience.

Five days in nature’s temple. Drifting amongst lands mostly uninhabited by humans, only dragons, goats, monkeys, birds and insects. 

Every waking moment either a living meditation or a celebration of life. Deeply aware of my own breath. Moving consciously.

Watching with an open heart. Watching through a veil of wonder, everything above and below, hiding and passing, rising and setting, twinkling, shimmering and glowing knowing that I only have each moment just once. Not wanting to pass through this time and space blindly. A deep and constant call. Witness. Witness. Witness.

I could write a list of everything that I have seen. I could try and describe what it looked like and what it felt like. I could write pages and pages and I’m not even sure that I could nail the essence of the experience in words right now, maybe not ever. 

When I experience life through my heart it can take a while for my head to catch up and be able to understand the depth of the experience in a logical way. Sometimes life just needs to be felt and not understood.

I have stared into the eyes of dragons and manta rays and sharks and fish. I have spent hours staring at stars that may no longer exist. A food chain there may be but what I know is this; we are all made of the same stuff.

Star dust. Magic. Love.

Every thing is filled with a life force that is our common bond beyond any invisible hierarchy or sense of superiority that we have bestowed upon ourselves with our able bodies and intelligence.

There are no words to sum up this experience, only this.

An inhale, hand in hand with the sweetest sounding Ahhhhhh, drawn into an open heart, joining essence with essence, then exhale Ahhhhhh. 

Wonder. Love. Gratitude.

“When it's over, I want to say: all my life I was a bride married to amazement.” Mary Oliver.

Eye to eye with Komodo Dragons on Rinca Island

Sunrise, Komodo National Park

Sunrise, Komodo National Park

My favourite spot on the boat, Black Manta.  Perfect incline and position to lie back and watch the stunning scenery pass by 

Komodo National Park

Taking a leap from Black Manta

Nudibranch

Nudibranch

Crocodilefish

The best things come in threes, Manta Rays at Manta Alley  Not great quality as taken from thumbnail of video

Manta Ray at Manta Alley

White tip reef sharks, Castle Rock, Komodo

Videoing a white tip reef shark cruising by, Castle Rock, Komodo

White tip reef shark, Castle Rock

Schooling fusiliers

White tip reef sharks sleeping under table coral, Castle Rock