I was on my way to the Perhentian Islands on the 18th July and I found myself feeling happy sad:
Happy to be heading back to the sea, diving and my new beloved friend Viv.
Happy to leave Kuala Lumpur behind me, happy to have had my time there, happy to have fallen in love with photography again and the world through the lens.
Happy that I managed to navigate myself to Batu Caves and the airport the cheapest way possible.
Happy, laughing, joyous tears welling in my eyes as I sing along to terrible Malaysian covers of Bryan Adams and Bon Jovi on the bust to the airport at 7.30 in the morning.
Sad as the realisation hits that a friendship I treasured has changed forever.
Sad because instead of living in the present moment with what is, I once again discover that I’ve been living in the past.
Happy because I consciously recognise this and I can honour that part of me that is sad.
Happy because in knowing and feeling sadness, I am alive, really living and experiencing vivid contrasts of life in all its highs and lows.
Happy because this reminder of the impermanence of life experience calls for me to treasure every moment fully as it occurs and while it lasts.
Sad because in this moment I miss my family and friends back home and the caring, soothing, loving embrace of their physical presence.
Happy because their love transcends distance and I feel it every time I think of them.
Happy because I know all the love I ever need is right here now, within me, inside my heart.
Sad because I feel the pain, loneliness, isolation and perceived separation that one of my loved ones is currently experiencing.
Happy because I can feel compassion and extend my love as a gentle ray of comforting light.
Happy because my life is an incredible adventure that I am choosing and creating everyday.
Happy because dragon flies are appearing to me everywhere and when I least expect them. New beginnings, good omens, blessings.
Happy because I am free, free, free. Blessed and free.
Happy because I am me.