My life is slow and full of self-indulgent, luxurious time but sometimes the days just slip away and I wonder how the hours, minutes, seconds vanished. I wonder how it is that so few words appeared on the paper and why my camera lies idle and dusty in the bottom of my wardrobe.
When the sky is dry and time is on my side, I walk, everywhere and watch with wonder. Autumn crept in quietly at first and then grabbed hold of the city passionately. The trees flamed red, amber, carrot and lemon amongst the lingering summer lime. Now, a chorus of tan leaves wave enthusiastically, as I pass by on my cold walk to work and my gaze is called skyward to watch a single leaf, crinkly and moth-eaten slowly spiral towards the grey cement path. In the morning, the low-lying distant sun gently kisses and strokes the world into daily life. At dusk, it burns towards the cloudless horizon leaving an ethereal blue sky freckled with stars and opalescent moon. Enraptured, I feel like I am seeing Autumn for the first time. It is beautiful, maybe as beautiful as the living dying world could ever be.
There is a gentle rhythm to my week. A few days of work with regular activities for body and soul and then non-work days to write, to connect, to explore and move slow. I have accepted where I am; back in Melbourne and back in my old line of work to pay the bills and support this transitional period in my life. I have accepted that my conscious mind doesn't yet know all the answers and that everything is unfolding in its own time. I have accepted this longing for a different kind of life. There is a deep and sweet peace to this acceptance. I am content. I don’t feel like I need to be somewhere else or that I should have my life all figured out. It’s okay that I don’t know.
As the Autumn days slip away, my life feels like it is in a holding pattern as I move through each week waiting for this new, uncharted path to become clear, to have the courage to take the bold first step. I am filled with both fear and excitement but it is the right path and just like those leaves on the way to work, life silently cheers me on.
|Yarra River at dusk|
|Autumn Leaves, South Melbourne Town Hall|
|Southbank, wet Autumn night|
|Autumn path at Flagstaff gardens|
|Autumn confetti, Richmond|
|A favourite tree, Flagstaff Gardens|