I have now been living in Kata for two months, and today was only the fifth time I watched the sun set. The fourth was just yesterday and the third just four days earlier. Each sunset was so beautiful, so unique, so mesmerising that it knocked louder and louder on the door of the dormant promise I made to myself, to appreciate the beauty in the world around me with all of my heart, until today it knocked so loud that I actually heard it in the form of a silent call to go and watch the sun set.
Back in Melbourne, I very rarely thought to watch the sun set. It happens everyday, we all know that. And because it happens every day, it repeats, it is guaranteed to occur, we stop looking at it with a sense of awe and maybe we stop looking at it and appreciating it entirely. It blends into the background of our lives as if bland, boring and commonplace. Even if we do remember it, we know it will be there tomorrow. With so much more "important" stuff to do, we put off paying attention to it until tomorrow and then tomorrow, we put it off until tomorrow.
Even during the time I lived in Elwood, right by the sea, I watched the sun set maybe once or twice when I caught a glimpse of stunning colours in the sky. But for the most part, I was so busy “doing” rushing between one activity and the next or “thinking” about the past or the future that my life was in a mindless blur and I barely appreciated anything in the moment that it occurred.
I wanted to change that. I wanted to slow down my life, stop thinking in the future and living in the past. I wanted to be in this moment now, to feel everything in this moment now and appreciate what was unfolding before me in this moment now and appreciate the natural beauty that surrounds me now. How easily I forgot. How easy it is to get distracted by other mundane activities that merely fill in time.
So this afternoon, I felt myself drawn back to Kata beach at dusk. I walked a little way along the beach until I found the right place to sit, watch and absorb this free event. I watched the edges of the sun glow in a peach and apricot metallic glaze peaking from behind dark grey clouds. I watched the light intensify then ebb as the sun dipped further down towards the horizon. I watched the light shimmer and dance its way towards me across the sea and the wet sand.
My eyes took in all that was happening before me and changing from moment to moment. And I tried to feel it with my heart. I so yearned to feel it with my heart. For my mind knows it is one thing to know and appreciate beauty with my eyes but something completely different to feel it and know it with my heart. At the moment, that is my deepest longing, to feel everything so deeply, completely, openly and with love. There's a tugging at the edges of my heart and an invisible tug of war between my mind and the divine. My heart knows that if it truly felt the beauty, it would be overcome, and weep with happy sadness and with joy. My mind is not quite ready to let go of the rope. Yet. But soon, it will be.
“I feel life meet my eyes
And it's the best thing
A beautiful feeling”