For me, this place is an imperfect paradise. I love its tropical seas, golden sandy beaches, hot and humid weather, stunning sunsets, flavoursome food and ripe juicy fruits. I love the ease of being here and how when I work, it doesn’t feel like work. I love how every day feels like Friday and I don’t long for the weekends. I love the diving and how easily diving can be part of my life here. But for everything I love here there is still something missing. Within me is a deep longing to fulfil a greater purpose I can’t yet clearly articulate. Here, this longing is stuck and the relationships and synchronicities to help excavate this purpose seem to be missing. And so to stay here, is to live in a paradise, unfulfilled.
My stubborn heart wants to stay here. It doesn’t want to move on or leave. But something greater than me gently pushes me on and speaks the silent truth only I can hear. And I cry. I cry tears from recognising this truth. I cry tears as I slowly and painfully untie the invisible strings that attach me to this place and time. I cry as I say what feels like final good-byes and the grief overtakes me. I cry tears into the ocean. I cry tears into my suitcase. I cry tears into my noodle soup. I cry tears onto the one I love.
For all the sadness I feel there is equal happiness and joy to be felt too. I find solace in my longing to know purpose. I find solace in my belief and trust that life always supports me. I find solace in the excitement of the unknown and the new canvas I am about to paint. Most of all I find solace in returning to friends and family whose unconditional love and support is the one constant in my life.