What was the most important lesson you learned about yourself in 2012? Was it a sudden epiphany or a gradual realization?
So much of my learning about myself and about life seems to happen gradually. I so rarely seem to have those pivotal “a-ha” moments where everything just makes sense, except maybe this year.
It was during a Vinyasa Power Flow Yoga class taught by my dear friend Joey. He was helping me to work deeper into a posture. I said no before I even tried. I said no without even speaking, ever so subtly and without realising I shook my head from side to side. No. I can’t do it.
It wasn’t the first time I had done it during yoga classes and Joey simply stated his observation, asking me if I realized that I shook my head to say no each time before I tried a new pose. Once he had pointed it out to me, I witnessed myself do it on numerous occasions but with his gentle reminders to nod my head yes instead of no, the tendency to say no became less and yes became more.
I’m still not sure exactly why I do this. It’s like I tell myself no so that if I fail there is no embarrassment, I’m not less than because I already knew I couldn’t do it. See, told you I couldn’t do it. But failure isn’t in my vocabulary so I tell myself no then push myself harder almost in punishment to prove that I can do it.
This part of me has long been present. I remember as a young girl telling my Dad, “I can’t do it.” I don’t remember exactly what it was, there were many its, I used to say “I can’t do it” a lot. Dad’s response was always the same. “There’s no such thing as can’t.”
Awareness is the key. Now when I catch myself saying “can’t” in my head I just turn it around and say, “can.” It feels kinder and more loving of myself to speak words of encouragement. And it makes a difference. Because I can.
|I can do this...|
|I can walk Via Francigena solo, get lost a lot, kill my toe and still find my way|
|I can do this....one of my all-time favourite things to do|