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Hello and welcome to my blog formerly called Gypsy-K. Please note that I am only updating this blog while I am walking from Rome to Jerusalem from September 2015. My online home and permanent blog is at You can also sign up for pilgrim postcards and newsletters here. Thank you for being here and supporting my journey. With love and courage, Kym xx

Thursday, 19 December 2013

Grief, 17 years on.

For years I lost you
in the silence
and the wounds
buried with you.
Forgetting's fortress
served its master well
until the grief 
that grew untended
fissured its walls.
I dived deep
into its grey, fickle sea
and gradually surfaced
with eyes, open,
carrying gifts, open.

All these years
you marched with me
through the ashes of my life
until I could see you
in these small flames
burned to nothingness.
To strike a match
softens sorrow.
To light a candle
summons spirit.
To bow to pain and love
honours all that is human.
This ritual to remember;
your life a gift,
my life a gift
because you lived.

On this day 17 years ago, my mum took her last breath and was finally free of her pain-ridden disabled human body. She tried to prepare me for her death by speaking of it. She knew it was coming. When it came, I was not surprised but not prepared. It forever changed my world.

There are no instruction manuals or classes to teach a daughter how to live without her mother. Grief must be lived and deeply, deeply felt until its gifts can be open. It is only in the last two years that I started to open those gifts and unlock the lessons of our tumultuous relationship. Slowly, this day is changing from one of pure sadness and desolation to an honouring and loving remembrance of the gift it was.

Allison Nappi's words resonate strongly;

"The Truth: The truth is there are losses you never get over. They break you to pieces and you can never go back to the original shape you once were, and so you will grieve your own death with that of your beloved lost...

And herein lies the gift that cannot die. It changes the course of your life forever. If you allow yourself the chance to feel it for as long as you need to — even if it is for the rest of your life — you will be guided by it. You will become someone it would have been impossible for you to be, and in this way your loved one lives on, in you."

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